According to the Plan
by Miss CanonAnon
Summary: Thief meets Hunter. Thief falls for Hunter. Thief steals from Hunter. Thief gets away. Hunter pursues. Hunter falls for Thief. Both have now successfully failed at completing their missions.


**Disclaimer for Bleach:** Don't own Bleach or anything/anyone associated with the manga (or the anime). All rights belongs to Kubo Tite. (:

**Personal Disclaimer:** I originally wrote this as a fanfiction, and because I didn't think I was going to finish it, I re-wrote slight pieces of it (namely the character names; used all English ones), added somewhat of a semi-closing plotline, and turned it in as part of my last homework assignment for a writing class. Now I'm slightly re-writing it again and expanding the plot, so I hope it doesn't cause any trouble lol… Not that I expect anybody in that writing class was a Bleach fan much less an _IchiHime_ fan, but you never know.

Also, I have no beta, so apologies for any jarring mistakes. I'm sure they're there.

**Genre: **Romance, Humor, Supernatural

**Pairings:** Just have to wait and see! ;)

**Rating:** T for language

**Synopsys:** Thief meets Hunter. Thief falls for Hunter. Thief steals from Hunter. Thief gets away. Hunter pursues. Hunter falls for Thief. Both have now successfully failed at completing their missions.

~xoXoXox~

_According to the Plan_

~xoXoXox~

~oxOxOxo~

~xoXoXox~

_**Profile of**__**: Kurosaki Ichigo**_

_**Hair**__**: orange, yellow**_

_**Eyes**__**: light brown, yellow, (reportedly red on rare occasions)**_

_**Sex**__**: Male**_

_**Permanent Location**__**: Nwot Arukarak**_

_**Defining Traits**__**: Kind (he tries to hide it and fails adorably)**_

_**Grumpy face**_

_**Scowls a lot (very funny!)**_

_**Father and two sisters (twins)**_

_**Good fighter: excellent sword skills, non-existent magical abilities**_

_**Has a stuffed bear named Kon (it's animated and talks!)**_

_**Likes showers and baths**_

_**Soft towards women and "weak things"**_

_**Gets extremely fired up when friends or family are in trouble**_

_**Likes saving people (hero-complex?)**_

_**Has psychopathic mirror image that wishes to take control (presumably to take over the world)**_

_**Likes cake**_

_**Current Occupation:**__** Bone Hunter**_

_**Formal Title(s)**__**: "Moonlight Bone Hunter," "Ichigo of Srorrim" "Strawberry Disaster" (per Kuchiki-san)**_

_**Profile made by**__**: Inoue Orihime**_

~xoXoXox~

Chapter 1: Thief Meets Hunter

_Shlimazel_.

Or sometimes _shlimazl_, depending on the spelling a person wanted to go by.

(Who knew what the difference was.)

It meant she was a person with terrible luck and that the universe itself conspired to make her life miserable. Rukia was convinced she was cursed. Tatsuki said Fate was trying to toughen her up for sorrows she'd have to face in the future. Orihime kind of just thought that bad things happened to people all the time, and it was just because the bad things that happened to her happened to be _particularly_ awful, that people took more notice than usual. It didn't help being a Double Lifer, either. It meant she had twice as many things to worry about going wrong in her life.

"Look. I'm only going to ask you one more time, and then I'll be forced to, er, use force. So just spit out what you put in your mouth, and I'll let you leave here alive."

Despite the series of unfortunate events that was her life, the world sometimes took pity on Orihime and threw her a bone here and there. Like it was doing today with the extremely handsome, frowning young man in front of her. His eyes were a dusty light brown—at least, most of the time…or, well…half of the time; the other half they tended to get more sparkly and yellow-like—and his hair usually stayed a rather pretty orange color when it wasn't a pretty honey-ish one. Or a flat out corn tassel yellow.

She'd had the pleasure of watching him for months now. Studying his habits. Learning his likes and dislikes. Watching for any signs of weakness. She knew he had a mirror counterpart that looked exactly like him, except his mirror persona had white hair and glowing yellow eyes with pitch black sclera. Sometimes when the man got very angry or irritated—which seemed to be a lot—his eyes would glow that fierce, piercing yellow. The first time she'd observed this phenomena, it had scared the bejeebers out of her. As she'd gotten used to seeing them, she one day had the startling revelation that she actually found it strangely _appealing_. Like right now, where his eyes seemed to be on the brink of changing. She had to force herself not to drool. If she did, her mouth might fall open and the prized possession she'd worked so hard to acquire might fall out. And as her legs were bound, and her hands were tied up behind her, and since she was propped against a wall, she wouldn't be able to catch it.

To put up a front, she shook her head defiantly and tried glaring at him while keeping a straight expression. The urge to laugh at his frowning face was growing stronger each minute, but she figured if she did laugh, he'd take it the wrong way and grow even angrier. Which meant he'd frown even deeper, and she'd laugh harder, and he'd never know how attractive she found him.

Not that he could know. One of the rules for this assignment had specifically stated for her not to fall in love with the target. So, of course, she _had_.

_Thanks to that terrible luck of mine_.

Now she'd have to hurt the man she loved a little bit in order to get away. Failure to complete a mission was not an option for her, no matter the price or cost. She'd never ever unsuccessfully met her Employer's demands, and she wasn't about the start. She didn't have the title of "the Sunlit Larcenist" for nothing.

_Sorry Kurosaki-kun, but there's an important person in my life I have to protect. My feelings for you won't change, so I hope you don't judge me too hard for what I'm about to do to you_…

The man grunted, clearly uncomfortable with the idea of having to use force on a woman. Especially when it involved him having to force her mouth open. He bent down so he was eye-level with her, and reached out to grab her cheeks with his hand. He paused, and she realized he'd noticed how her flower necklace seemed to be missing some petals.

The second Hinagiku and Lily successfully freed her hands from the magical bonds, Orihime spit the small, geometrical object from her mouth with as much force as she could muster. It hit him directly between his eyes, and he jerked back in surprise and a touch of unexpected pain. With her hands free, she simultaneously punched him in the gut and knocked him away, and then grabbed the orb as it rolled along the ground. Two more Shun Shun Rikka, also formerly petals on one of her hairpins, made quick work of the bonds on her legs, and she was up and running towards the nearest window before the man had time to react. She tried to open the window, but was bounced back by an invisible wall.

_Of course it's reinforced_!

So typical of her bad luck. But thanks to said bad luck, she was an expert at formulating emergency Plan Bs.

She headed for the opened doorway, determined to fly through the house and get to either the front or back door. It was still dark, and once she was outside, she'd be able to make herself disappear quickly.

A solid force hit the back of her legs, and she fell to the ground with an OMPH. A large mass slid up her body, flipped her over, and pinned her arms above her head, but not before she was able to put the orb inside of her mouth again. (_Don't think about the potentially fatal dust and grime you just ate, Orihime, and you'll be just fine…_) Had her mouth not been occupied, a soft gasp might have escaped her lips when she saw that his eyes were glowing yellow. She could tell it was out of irritation or…frustration?...more than anger.

_He looks _good, she thought.

"Drop the Hougyoku," he demanded, his face deadly serious.

Well, that wasn't an option. So what to do, what to do. Hmm…

_**Soft towards women and "weak things." **_That's what her data files had said about him under miscellaneous facts. She made her body go soft and made her eyes a tad rounder like Harriett, her trainer and mentor, had taught her. "It makes you look innocent and feeble," she'd said in that quiet, serious voice of hers.

"Tell me your name, first," Orihime mumbled to Ichigo as best as she could. It was a good thing Rukia had forced her to play Chubby Bunny as many times as she had, else Orihime never would have been able to pull off sounding somewhat coherent.

Apparently he was taken aback by this, because his eyebrows rose and then furrowed in confusion.

"Why do you want to know?"

Oh good, he understood what she meant.

_Because I want to hear it from your own lips_.

Not that she could say that out loud.

"If you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine."

Dangling such an offer had thrown him off like she'd hoped it would, because his body relaxed a bit as he said, "Kurosaki Ichigo."

She smiled happily at him.

"Thank you."

She then commenced what Rukia dubbed her "lethal head butt," and knocked Ichigo back. With her free arms and legs, she positioned herself to round-house him from the ground, knocking him out. Her head didn't hurt at all, but she suspected he would have a terrible headache when he woke up, now that he'd been hit twice. Feeling bad about it, she quickly raced through the house, to his room and kitchen, and brought back a pillow, a bottle of aspirin, and a glass of water. She seriously debated kissing him—something she'd been dreaming about since she realized her feelings for him—but decided against it when she saw the time on her watch.

_Almost dawn_!

She left the house and when she was a fair distance away, she stared at it wistfully knowing she wouldn't be able to come back here unless assigned to a place in the same general vicinity. If she came back, it'd be way too obvious that her feelings extended far beyond that of a thief and her victim. A twinge of guilt still poked at her gut, but she convinced herself that she hadn't _technically_ lied to Ichigo to distract him. She _would_ tell him her name. Just…in a postcard. And much later. Right now she had to get back to the underground fortress of Las Noches.

In this world, she had the power to control six "magical fairies" that lived in her hairpins. The three formed a shield that she sometimes used as a convenient magic carpet. It's what she typically needed for long-distance travel at night when nobody could see her. Not that they'd think much of a pretty, innocent-looking girl flying on a sparkly triangle overhead during the daytime, but she liked her anonymity. Nobody knew she was The Sunlit Larcenist because she just didn't look like she'd be a well-known and respected serial thief. During the daytime, she worked as a cadet cocktail waitress in the Casino Espada, which rested above and concealed the entrance to Las Noches. Some of the regulars fondly called her "CCW," and couldn't understand why she cracked up every time she heard it.

She spotted Ishida Uryuu as she passed the local hospital and cheerfully called out to him.

"Hey, Ishida-kun! Need a lift? I'm headed back to work in case you're going in that direction."

He looked up, adjusted his glassed, and nodded wordlessly at her. She directed her triangle to hover low enough for Uryuu to hop on, and then headed off. Like herself, the thin young man was a DL, a Double Lifer. One who lived in the two paralleling worlds. But unlike her, Uryuu didn't change much once he passed from the "Real World" dimension into this one. He still wore glasses (though he apparently didn't need to), and his hair remained dark brown, while hers changed to a different color every time she came—caramel, copper, red, light brown and sometimes blonde. It was fun not knowing how she'd appear in this world, and it helped her keep up her anonymous status. Only the seedy regulars and those who worked in and under Casino Espada knew who and what she was, or at least had their suspicions. The only thing that changed on Uyruu was the fact that his eyes went from "black" to an icy-grey color here. And that he always had a cape. It didn't matter what kind of clothing he came to this world in, a cape was inevitably attached.

She'd asked him once, a long time ago, what would happen if he came to this world naked. It really hadn't crossed her mind how embarrassing a question that might sound out loud, and he'd stared at her in horror, blushed, and refused to talk to her for the rest of the day. Rukia had commented that he liked her. At the time, Orihime had wondered if that were true, but dismissed the idea entirely the day she'd decided to hide in a broom closet that was already occupied by a lip-locking Uryuu and Kurotsuchi Nemu, his Employer's daughter. It had been another one of those rare times she'd mortified him, but after assuring the two of them that she wouldn't tell another soul, he'd seemed to calm down. Nemu's expression hadn't changed, but Orihime had felt that she was grateful too.

Kurotsuchi Mayuri wasn't somebody to be crossed or messed with, being one of the three famous _mad_ scientists who lived in Nwot Arukarak, as well as one of the famous and powerful casino owners in the area. On top of that, he was extremely possessive of his daughter, whom he abused on a regular basis but reportedly had a deep, father-daughter love for. Allegedly, Uryuu had just as messed up a relationship with his own father, and this had been what bonded the couple to begin with. Orihime had never asked for details. Sometimes it was just better not to know.

Uryuu had once told her a secret. That one of his dreams, apart from becoming a world-wide fashion designer, was to marry and rescue Nemu from Mayuri's clutches. But that was something only obtainable after he completed his 50 Burdens—the fate all DLs had to endure. Once a person from planet "Earth"—nicknamed "the Real World"—came to Nwot Arukarak or any other endless number of cities and towns existing on Htrae, they were practically spirited away to the nearest Employer looking for a person to do his or her dirty work. D.L. Hunters were almost as popular and feared as Employers, and were extremely well-paid for their work. Uryuu had been clever and strong enough to evade several Hunters before Akon the Horned caught him and dragged him off to Mayuri. He was currently in between Burdens, having put sixteen of them under his belt in just half a year. She'd met him on one of her missions, and they'd become fast friends upon learning they went to the same high school together despite his resistance and rather-horribly-failed-though-commendably-attempted-tough-guy attitude. Orihime suspected that, even though he wanted to marry Nemu, he was now trying to hide from Mayuri for as long as he could, so he'd have more time with Nemu before using up and completing his Burdens and being forced to make his choice between living on Earth or here in Htrae.

Personally, she felt that there was no way he'd choose to stay on Earth. His relationship with his father was non-existent, his mother was long dead, he had no other siblings or close relatives to speak of, and he alienated himself at their high school. But who knew. Maybe blood _was_ thicker than hormones. Nemu had sure never indicated that she was ever going to leave (as in, flee) her father's presence. Even for Uryuu…

The thought made her sad.

"You okay?"

She looked up, startled.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Just thinking."

"Come back from a 'job'?"

He didn't look at her as he asked it. They had a sort of unspoken code of, "Don't ask, don't tell." But occasionally, when one or the other looked worse for wear, it turned into, "Even if I ask, you don't _have_ to tell. But you can if you want." She pinched her cheeks, realizing she must look more melancholy than she wanted others to know, and slapped a silly grin on her face.

"Yep! Got what I needed for Aizen-sama, like usual."

"I wonder how Rukia will paint the occasion in her magazine. I look forward to skimming it. Will you be giving her any details, or will it all be made up this time?"

She could tell he wasn't prying for info; he was genuinely curious. It was a toughie to decide. The only thing she'd told Rukia specifically was that she couldn't paint it into any sort of love drama. Aizen actually read _Chappy's Happy Days_. And greatly enjoyed it with a cup of tea.

"Probably not. Though I can imagine the story she'll write anyway."

Honestly, she feared for Ichigo's reputation more than anything. No doubt Rukia would build Orihime up and tear Ichigo down a notch or five for the sake of a sensationalized story. One of her strongest traits was her creative imagination. It rivaled her own, and more than once, Rukia had asked for her help on concocting a story. It usually ended up with a midget pirate king kicking down the wall or dancing half-cabbage, half-potato people allowing for a long enough distraction for the main character to get away, and Rukia's magazine sold top dollar every week. Other, more "mature" magazines had begun to take potshots at _Chappy's Happy Days_ until her brother Kuchiki Byakuya stepped in and politely invited the magazine editors to a private, VIP weekend stay at one of his casinos. He never told the girls what happened and pretended like nothing had, but after that heavily-rumored weekend, no magazine dared to go after Rukia's ever again. Which, of course, only upped her reader base.

"Can you let me down here?"

Orihime looked at the location, and seeing as it was a random spot she didn't know much about, she figured Uryuu was either off to another "job" or meeting Nemu.

"Sure. I'll be making dinner for three if you'd like to come over later."

Her triangle descended, and he hopped off.

"No thanks. Maybe some other time."

"Alright. My door's always open if you ever want to crash."

He put his hat on and tipped it at her in a gesture of gratitude and farewell before slinking off into a dark alleyway. She rose into the air again and marveled at the first lights appearing over the horizon in the West. Her Shun Shun Rikka hovered over the roof of Casino Espada for a little while to allow Orihime a few minutes more to soak in the beginning of the new day. She needed to give Aizen the Hougyoku as soon as possible, but she wanted to take advantage of the opportunity just a little longer. Usually she came back to work within a few hours of setting out, so she was probably in for a ten minute interrogation by the Employer himself or one of his top subordinates. It wasn't something she enjoyed, since it took up time she could be using to head on home to sleep, and depending on who was the interrogator for the day, he or she sometimes acted as though being a few hours later than normal was some sort of incompetency problem. She'd long since gotten over the self-deprecating notions of feeling like a useless lump, but every now and then comments still managed to sting a little, like the scar of an old wound that ached with the changing of the weather.

Aizen Sousuke could be cruel or kind, depending on his mood. Starrk was usually just as eager to get it over with as she was. Barragan was a stuffy old coot and easily irritated, but perfectly lovable when inebriated. Harribel was strict and to-the-point, but had a kindness to her words. Ulquiorra was very no-nonsense and rather emotionless about it all, but next to Barragan and Aizen, he could be even crueler than the two of them combined.

_Please don't let it be Ulquiorra-sama… _

She didn't hate the guy, but the last time they'd gone this route, he'd belittled her and her friends (which he deemed "useless associations") to the point that she had slapped him hard enough to make his head turn. Which was really saying something about her strength when she _didn't_ put her mind to it. It was usually when she tried that she more often failed than not. Yet another pebble of unluckiness to add to her little walkway of life. Thankfully, she hadn't been punished for the slap. Aizen had seemed unusually amused by it.

She sighed deeply and readied herself to face the music. She took the stairs down to the 10th Floor, which had a secret elevator through a maid's closet, and down another set of hallways. Unlike the normal, public casino elevators, this one had a 0 Level below the three basement levels that led into the entrance of Las Noches, the biggest and most ruthless of Napaj's underworlds.

_Ah, it's Harribel waiting for me_. _That's a nice surprise_.

"Hey, I'm back," she called.

Harribel got straight to the point.

"I'm not here to interrogate you. I am merely escorting you to Aizen-sama. He will be speaking with you directly this morning."

She sighed on the inside. What a perfect way to start off the day. She wanted to ask, "Do I have to?" but knew it was useless.

Harribel led her to Aizen's office and after knocking swiftly, she opened the door and gestured for Orihime to go inside. She nodded at Harribel as she passed and walked towards Aizen's stereotypically large office desk and big, black, boss chair. She sat in the comparably dinky chair that rested in front of the desk and waited for him to acknowledge her. Sometimes it took _hours_. But today it took less than a minute. He calmly set aside Rukia's magazine, readjusted his sitting position, folded his hands, and looked her square in the eye.

"Do you have what I asked for?"

She reached into her pocked and gently sent the Hougyoku on his table.

"Yes. Unmarred as you wanted."

He picked it up and inspected it carefully.

"Interesting."

She did her best not to fidget over the next few minutes. She's cleaned it off and sterilized it and was sure her Employer didn't have some kind of magical ability to sense spit residue, but you never could tell with the people in this world. Everybody had such odd abilities and most of the time they had no rhyme or reason.

"Aizen-sama?" she finally said, unable to hold the silence. Even if he did sense her left over saliva, she could distract him with this… "With all due respect, sir, I need to leave as soon as possible. I have matters to attend to back in my original world. The ones we talked about previously." Like school. She'd missed so many days she was in danger of being held back or expelled. She'd already been held back her final year. She didn't want to repeat another one. "You promised me I'd be able to take care of matters there without interruption."

He finally set the Hougyoku down.

"That was before you brought me a fake."

She blinked owlishly at him.

"That was a fake," she repeated. It wasn't a question. Aizen Sousuke made no mistakes.

"Yes," he nodded slowly.

She…she had never failed to complete a mission. Ever. Her mind went blank at that.

_Can…not…compute…?_

Aizen looked positively delighted.

~xoXoXox~

_Preview for Chapter 2: _

"Everything's so…weird and twisted here. And as boring as it was in the books!"

He picked up a text book, read a couple of sentences on a random page, and then threw it behind him with disgust.

"Stop complaining, Ichigo," Uryuu said calmly, not bothering to look up from his latest sewing project.

It was a stuffed alligator with a heart on its back for Nemu. He needed to take his time and keep his concentration on what mattered.

"I don't see how you live in this world."

"It's _normal_. I thought you always wanted normal?"

Ichigo looked around himself and shuttered.

"I retract that stateme—"

Orihime came into view. He quickly dragged Uryuu behind the bleachers.

"What are you taking me with you for? She knows me. It wouldn't be weird to see me sewing in the middle of the field."

"Because if she sees you, she might want to come over and say hi." It seemed she was coming over there way anyway. "Crap."

He was going to ruin his mission before he'd even been there three hours, damn it!

"Don't worry, Ichigo," Uryuu stated boredly, "my disguise is perfect. She won't recognize you if she hasn't already."


End file.
